Editor’s note: In honor of October being National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, The Fremont Tribune is publishing a series, “Think Pink” that shares a story every Tuesday of community members who battled or are currently battling breast cancer. The Tribune’s masthead is also pink on these days instead of its normal black to commemorate the month.
Marie Schurman remembers the phone call.
The Hooper woman was sitting in her car in front of the grocery store in her hometown. She recalls the exact time — 6:30 p.m. — when the call came and Schurman learned she had breast cancer.
“I sat there for the longest time,” she said. “I was very shocked.”
A routine mammogram revealed a cyst that had grown and a biopsy indicated she had cancer. She went to Nebraska Medicine hospital where an MRI revealed cancer in both breasts and she had a double mastectomy in July 2017.
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More than two years later, Bobette Batenhorst of Fremont and Schurman talked about their breast cancer journeys and what they’ve learned along the way.
And they talked about the best ways people can help.
Tips include:
Know that a breast cancer journey can last a while.
A common misconception is that after someone battling breast cancer has completed treatment, their journey is over.
But it’s not.
“It really doesn’t hit women until they are done with treatment that this is their reality and they have emotional scars as well as the physical and pain,” Batenhorst said.
Many women may not look the same. Some have constant pain, depending on surgeries and other types of treatment.
The journey can continue for months or years.
“Let us embrace our journey at our own pace,” Batenhorst said.
Don’t make comparisons.
Every person’s breast cancer journey is different. There are different types of breast cancer and treatments.
And comparing breast cancer patients and situations doesn’t help.
Nor does it help for someone who’s never had breast cancer to assume they know what they’d do if they were in this situation.
“Only people who have been through it truly understand it and, sometimes people will say, ‘If it were me, this is what I would do.’ If you haven’t walked in the shoes, you honestly do not know what you are going to do,” Batenhorst said.
Listen and be supportive.
One of the best things people can do is listen.
In Schurman’s case, she appreciated compassion, but didn’t want pity.
She believes good comments include: ‘I’m there if you need me,” “Call if you need anything” and “I’ll lift you up in prayer.”
Cards that said: “Thinking of you” were appreciated as were meals.
Schurman and Batenhorst suggested gifts such as: button-down pajamas for patients who can’t lift their arms after a surgery to pull something over their heads.
Other small, but important gifts can include: Chapstick and other lip balm; seatbelt cushions to protect a chest scar; and neck travel pillows and arm support pillows for those who sleep in a chair for a while after the surgery.
Avoid asking about reconstruction.
Many times people will ask if the person battling cancer is going to have breast reconstruction.
Typically, when that question is asked, breast cancer patients are trying to survive a life-threatening journey — and reconstruction isn’t at the forefront of their minds.
Plus, it’s a personal question and can make the person battling breast cancer feel uncomfortable.
And while the person asking the question may not be imagining what that reconstruction might look like, the person fighting breast cancer can feel exposed.
Some women may feel as if they’ve lost a sense of their womanhood after a surgery to remove a breast.
“I couldn’t even look at myself for the longest time,” Schurman said.
Schurman, a divorced, single mom who was dating, also wondered who would accept her after the scars.
But she has a special someone.
“God has brought me somebody who’s accepted me,” she said.
Know that breast cancer patients may be putting on a brave face, but still hurting.
“You don’t want people to see your hurt and your fear,” Batenhorst said. “When you put on your brave face that doesn’t mean you don’t cry yourself to sleep at night and that you don’t pray with all of your might to God to not take you on this journey. For me, the only time I took off my brave face was in front of my mom and my sister.”
Schurman tried to have a brave face around her children.
“That was the hardest things — telling my kids (about her diagnosis),” Schurman said.
At the time, her children were ages 23, 20 and 13.
“The first thing my 13-year-old said was ‘Are you going to die?’”
That was tough, but Schurman had an answer: She was going to kick cancer’s butt.
The women have some thoughts for those on a breast cancer journey.
These thoughts include:
Know that men often want to help, but may not know how.
They can be struggling — wondering if they’re going to lose their loved one. Try to let them in.
“They want to help you just as much as the women do,” Batenhorst said.
Realize the importance of early detection.
At first, Schurman wondered why she even had the mammogram.
“But it saved my life and I’m so glad I did,” she said.
Support groups can help.
The women said there are different groups on Facebook. They also mentioned the SCAR Project by professional photographer David Jay, who shows images of women with various types of scars. Such images can help women realize they are beautiful no matter what.
Know you can get through this.
Schurman said she learned through Project Pink’d, an organization dedicated to helping breast cancer survivors, that she could thrive.
“I consider myself a survivor, but they teach us that, ‘You’re a ‘thriver.’ We thrive every day now, because of what we went through,” Schurman said, adding, “I didn’t give up when I wanted to give up, but I fought for myself and for my kids.”
